My life, My thought, My dream

It's been long time since the 1st post. I'm writing this for trying to figure out who I am because I felt so miserable recently. Simply because I have been holiday for too long, working for 3 months and not studying anything. bad? Seriously, I'm still trying to understand myself. randomly writing. I want to do thing I love to do, and at the same time earn a lot of money. What I love? Computer? Yes, but I found out that too many people are way better than in computer field. Account? Can do. English? ok, as needed most of the time to communicate. Not really. Math? starting to get interested and can do well maybe because i love computing. lol. I actually score B in add. math during spm. very sad. but it happens because i don't really emphasize it. as my ex-teacher said, when you are studying in commerce, fail add math won't cost you anything. which is certainly not true.

I had completed Taylor's Business Foundation (TBF!!!) in July 14 2011. Very happy that time. because I can travel around with friend. Langkawi trip is one of the most remarkable moment. Actually choosing foundation is 1 of the biggest mistake I have chosen in life. Maybe that time I should just continue F6. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe I will have a better future, fame, confidence. Yes, I need them most. But now, I can't turn back in time. So sad that I did not do research well before enrolling into taylor's. Recall back in time, I wanted to do accountant, and thinking that commerce student = must study account = become accountant = successful. I was so wrong that time. Now i figure out many pathways for commerce student. Investment banker, Actuary. Etc. I was so confident to become accountant because I  saw Johny Fernades, Air Asia CEO is an accountant, too. I wanted to step his pathway. But slowly after I enrolled into Taylor's I found out that accountant isn't really earn much, reputable. Need to strive really hard. And the most interesting part is, most of the accountants don't like their job. It is somehow logical that who the F will be happy by keep counting money from other people? Correct me if I'm wrong. Inspiration seriously needed* Perhaps some people are exception that they like to do book keeping, T-account, Financial Statement, assest, liabilities. Sometimes I think that you just like helping people to count their thing. With an additional cert to approve you to do so. Needed? not needed? Frankly, I can't really accept this kind of job that doesn't really contribute to the growing of the economy of the county? I heard someone who graduated from accounting degree and working in accounting firm. He said that account is like a job more than a career. True?

I have been thinking of studying Computing, Computer Science, Programming. But my bro failed them many times make me afraid to take them. One more thing, Most of the graduates from computing field are just working in a small shop, helping fixing others fixing computer. I'm afraid I become one of them. Although it brings you a lot of satisfaction when you fixed it, customer appreciation etc. but money is the matter. For me. Thinking another way round, Maybe doing what I like can earn more? Maybe I become a professor of repairing computer? sad. Actually I felt guilty when I am using the creation of others. I keep thinking that why I can't create something for other people to use and even make them must live with it? Why?

My child dream was becoming an astronaut, to explore the unknown space. The first science lesson makes me extremely excited, happy, exhilarating. It was my standard 4 time. I even studied almost all of the book before the class. Hmm, but now, I am commerce student. Why I choose to study Arts? Complicated reason.

However, now, I have decided to study Actuarial Science. Seriously. That field can let me proud of what I am doing. Earn a lot( only if I have passed all the exam), happy in doing it. Hopefully. As I am half understand about this field. (Thanks to my friends especially Jia Xin, who inspires me a lot, forum lowyat, recom, family) 

The problem now is I don't know where to further my study. I am thinking of US, UK, Australia, Singapore and Canada. For US, I am certainly sure that I won't get any exemption for my professional paper. This is somehow very discourage me. So, if I further study there, what will I get is the exposure and culture etc. I am most probably will working at there for at least 1 year. How to study at there? SAT? ADP? A-level?

SAT is most probably consume lesser time than other 2 options. ADP, is like gambling, If I study it, I must get very excellent result in order to secure my for scholarship, hopefully I will get 1+3 full scholarship, or 2+2. Inti has an option for me, that is 3+1, but the the university is Oklahoma, which my uncle doesn't recommend me. It's true that I found out that it's not even in the the top 400 university ranking. Most importantly, I did not get any exemption which matter me the most. Although I was dreaming to study there, to at least step into wall street.

Ok, UK, which is the most idealistic choice for me. I will get up to 8 papers exemptions, CT1-CT8, which is equally to SOA preliminary exam (P, FM, MFE, MLC, C) according to NTU website. Hmm, it saves a lot of time for me. If i'm not mistaken, I can even work there for 1 year, earning pounds :D 2 of my friends I known had just study abroad at there. I'm so envy with them. Hopefully I can, too.

Australia, I don't really like. 1st it's like not far yet not near. 2nd, living fee is expensive than UK if I'm not mistaken. 3rd, mini malaysia? as I heard from my senior & lecturer. Oh yea, If I'm sponsored, surely I will be happy to study there. Money become the main factor that discourages me. Money Money money!! Scholarship comes to me please........

Singapore is also ok for me. As it is raid growing nowadays and I can most probably travelling back to my hometown frequently and have my sister staying there. Quite convenience for me. 3 Unis allowed me to study AS, SMU, NTU, NUS. both need A-level. Sad, However, I had applied for NTU based on my foundation result, hopefully they accept me, really really hope they will accept me. SMU, hmm, need additional SAT for international student. I am wondering should I take SAT now? So I can have opportunity to go for States or either Singapore if I'm doing quite well. SMU need at least 1900/2400, is it very hard to achieve? need some opinion. 

Canada, only if I'm awarded with scholarship, study grant, loan. or if I enrolled into Inti 3+1 programme.

Next week will be the Utar Actuarial Science orientation. I had submitted my application form and they accept me. If I'm still undecided, maybe I will just go there and pursue my degree, with only VEE exemption, which is not exam, but something like accredited course. But, I don't want local degree, even my uncle advised me that university is very important. Especially the name. So, If I am studying there, I would consider to take Master in very reputable university to cover up it. 

Heard that UCSI provide credit transfer option, to university in Canada, Manitoba, which is somehow excellence school for Actuarial Science, according to SOA.org but the course in UCSI is just established. Should I go for it? Because I can at most, spend 1 year studying abroad, due to financial problem. sad.  I checked the staff directory. Ironically, 1 of the staff is graduated from UTAR. Curious. Hmm, what to do? I think later will phone UCSI and ask for them more details.

The main reason I don't want to study locally is due to the working opportunity problem. I'm somehow afraid that I will be contributing the rising of employment rate, with just passing of few papers. From what I have seen in most forum, they said that the demand for Actuary in Malaysia is growing, but the growing rate is the question. But oversea will be more opportunity as they need actuary not only for insurance firm, but for banking, investment etc. Correct me if I'm wrong. I also afraid that I won't be employ because the best firm for Malaysia, (I think) Bank Negara Malaysia also sponsoring student to study actuarial science, so even I graduate, my chances to work there is relatively low.

Another option I had considered is to take A-level. With subjects, Maths, Further Maths, Computing and Economics. I think I can cope with Maths, Computing and Economics as I had some fundamentals and interested to those subjects. Thanks to TBF, lol.  But further maths which makes me frighten, I'm afraid I can't score well and can't be admitted into prestigious university. Basically, taking A-level is an idea that comes from Ying Choy, an excellent Cambridge University student with poor family. If I strive hard to get scholarship, let's say 4A, I will have 4,000GBP for studying Southampton, But at that time, I will most probably choose Singapore as my study destination. Money is the problem I think. Seems like A-level is a very good chance for me, since I missed out STPM. But it's time consuming, money wasting. Considering study A-level at TARC but their reputation not really as my friend said and another choice is Taylor's. As far   form I heard, only this 2 college provide A-level Computing. I will be like 21 years old when I gradute from A-level. Is it wort for be to bet? for scholarship? for opportunity? for studying reputable, prestigious university such as ANU, NUS, NTU, LSE or southamton, city university, university of hong kong, herio-watt? Frustrated. Seriously need advice on this. I had been to JMECC but they did not actually help me out anything :(

I wish to become a qualified actuary as it looks cool, and by far what I heard, they don't really need to be very very good in maths but need some fundamentals as they will just use computer program,(prophet) to help them accomplish their task, an example I heard was they go to office, key in some data to the program and go back home. looks easy? lol. But I think that developing the program and the data you key in takes a lot of time to figure out. No free lunch. But I am certainly sure that I will like the job :) Challenging, Computing, Programming, Maths (which doesn't make my life dull compared to accounting), Reputation, Fame, Risky. I searched out the forum and some people said that many of the actuaries end up suicide. Because of the pressure? I dare to take the risk. Risk is opportunity =) 

It's morning now and I haven't been sleeping for whole day. I just felt lifeless this few days because I'm just working, dota, eat, sleep. When I go to school, I feel like holiday.When I holiday, I feel like going to school.. Such a contradiction right? Maybe study can enrich my life. haha. Hope I can decide my path ASAP and not choosing the wrong path that will make me regret, anymore. Feel so relieve after writing this, time to sleep and I will only work in afternoon, haha. Please forgive me if I offended as I don't mean it and it's just what I feel, I think. Feel free to correct me. I would appreciate it. 

If you have any better idea for telling what pathway should I take, just tell me. I need advice, a lot!